Fickle Dick

Have you ever liked or loved someone who says one thing and does another? Like one day you’re planning a surprise going-away party for your boyfriend of 10 months, who’s about to be deployed… And two weeks after 30 people have confirmed attendance (most of which are your friends and family, because he’s an asshole and has no friends) he breaks up with you. Who are the most volatile people I know? I’m not talking about politicians y’all.  They play second fickle fiddle to these chumps. The answer is…tada…men! Men are fickle AF and I’m about to call them out on it.

Insert Pamism: “Men change their mind like they change their underwear.” Which in some cases, I’m sure isn’t often enough. Most hygienically sound guys, however, want one thing on Tuesday and a totally different thing before we make them breakfast on Wednesday.

They profess their love to us and the next week they break up with us to move to Italy and live with a religious brotherhood (not my ex-bf, he would’ve burned alive near devout religious people). They just up and leave us with an SBI (sorry bout it) apology and we’re left to put our pieces back together. I mean, what the f@&$?

Grown men are supposed to have their shit together, right? Take charge and say what’s what; speak the truth and then follow through on what it is they say. My experience is that most of the current man pool can’t do it. Instead of acting like grown men with integrity, they’re polished adolescents at best, and they act like sissyasses.

Andrea, I’ve never felt the way I feel about you. You’re so unique and amazing. You’re so… [whatever bullshittio compliment string you want]. You are so special…[that I don’t want to be with you.]

Peops have told me various versions of this line – women and men – who have heard this from someone they’re dating. Until suddenly they’re not. I wonder what the hell it’d be like if someone just looked at you and said: Hey sister, you aren’t it. I could stand here and tell you sweet things so that I’m polite to you (and I’ll sleep well tonight knowing that)…but really it would just screw with your mind later. You’ll stay up until the wee hours of the morning drinking and repeating the words I said to you. You’ll do that until you can’t remember what they were, or what your name is, whichever one comes first. Unless you journal the conversation… Then you might read the words over and over, you know, whenever you want to be reminded of  why you’re single. 

A handful of sissy men I’ve dated, load the gun and then I have to pull the trigger. ‘Til it goes click. (Props to my cousin Mere on helping me with that sweet lil number!) What I mean by that is, a sissy dude says everything but “I don’t want this” and leaves it up to me to affirm what the hell is really going on and end it.

If my grandpa was here and knew how indecisive men are these days, he would say “ho-oly balls.” 

My grandpa and grandma spent 63 beautiful years together. The loyalty and integrity of my grandparents and many of their family members, (and I will kindly say their whole amazing generation) is almost unheard of nowadays. People celebrating 40 or 50 years together is sadly a rarity in my life. And is it really sexist of me to believe that long relationships don’t happen now because men are friggin’ fickle? Maybe, but I’ve never claimed to be impartial y’all.

Most guys nowadays do not know themselves and have very little integrity. How is a guy going to hang the moon and stars in your sky and then months later act like a fucking nuke exploding the atmosphere?

I want to take a moment here to assert a small thing I’ve learned recently. And that is that fuck is the fine china of curse words. You know what I mean? There is an eloquence when it’s dropped at just the right time. Some may say I skirt the ‘right time’ a bit too much. It would be like me to walk up to a fine linedrop to the floor, and do the worm across it. In a bridesmaid dress. And then get up with beer streaked from neck to toe. If you were at my sister’s…and my brother’s weddings, you saw this live in living color.

You know what, I don’t care if I use the f-word. As long as I don’t say it in front of my nieces and nephews, or children in general, and I don’t call my patients that, I will not be shamed.

We still have this issue of guys being fickle but you can’t win them all. I’m not sure what the best line of defense is with them not knowing their ass from their elbow. It might be that a single gal takes everything a guy says with a grain of salt until he’s demonstrated consistent behavior for 6 months or more. This will protect us from the superficial pleasing stage in the beginning of a relationship and allow us to see a guy’s true colors. Or at least as true as they know their own colors to be.

Additionally, I think it would be good for us single gals to hang the moon in our own sky. That way if fickle dickle lives up to his name, our whole sky doesn’t go black. We just have to realign ourselves with what guides us. The stars, hopefully God, the tides of our heart, our family and dear friends. 

It will take time to get back to our own rhythm, but damn when we do, we will rock it like never before. We’ll come back after heartache and we’ll be ready for much more than we had before. That is the reality y’all. We adapt and overcome.

More importantly, God allows people to move on from our lives and replaces them with someone better suited for us. Even if we feel like who we had was the best, we don’t know that. But God does. He knows our hearts and understands what we need now, and in the future.

Plus I’ve been talking to my grandparents and I’m hopeful my grandma Mimi is putting in some work sending a man as loving, hard-working and loyal as my grandpa Pete across my path. As my beautiful, intelligent, funny cousin Meredith and I say, Do Work Mimi. ✊️

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