A-Dult Braces 

I went to the dentist today and got the exciting news that I’m going to need braces in about 3-6. That’s this gal’s prison-speak for months. Might as well be years. Rotting in a single-woman jail cell. I mean if I can’t get a solid guy with whitish teeth and an alright smile, what the hell is my relationship prognosis with an oral gridlock on the horizon?

I will take a trip back into junior high with a “dental splint” 24/7 for 3-6mo and then…ta-da! Full on metal mouth to correct my crossbite.

I’m a 33yo single female. What fresh hell is this?

The dental splint looks like a sports mouth guard. I think I’ll ask for it in blue or gold and tell people I’m a proper athlete and I’m gettin’ my Nike on, ‘Just Doin’ It’ non-stop.

I’m crossing my fingers that my jaw is so screwed up I need to have oral surgery instead. While they’re crackin’ things, I’m hoping I can get the surgeons to sympathize with my predicament and donate a pro-bono nose job. That would make all of this worthwhile. Who cares about braces at 33, when you can get a fresh lil button nose? Not this girl. 🙌 Hook me up.

4 thoughts on “A-Dult Braces 

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